"This cannot be the first inkling that this guy was a giant jerk. But of course, you like jerks, don't you? You date jerk after jerk after jerk and you can't figure out why men suck.

I will bet dollars to pesos that you have a friend "who wants to be more". He's nice, he's charming and when you cry about men like this jerk, he's a really good listener. You've told him more than once that "I don't like you that way."

Do yourself a favor and fuck that friend like there's no tomorrow. You'll be glad you did. He's been wanting to do it with you for years, and will be very, very good at it. He'll go down on you and won't ask for it back."

i started to write you a letter last night,
but i didn't know where to begin.

here i am
with my heart on the floor
and my love out the door
you should be knocking
but there it goes
i got nothing to show for
except pictures i posed for
but i keep them in a box under my bed

maybe that's why first times are so important--
you don't forget them

i'm begging of you ,
please ,
don't take my man

step by step
heart to heart
left right left
we all fall down
like toy soldiers

I find this incredibly amusing.

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

o god i fucking love japanese people